.sosunfreak.

I am interested in this topic because I love animals so passionately. Both those that I have held close to my heart during my childhood, those I have had the pleasure to host as an adult and the many that I have met in parks and zoos and other households. It just brings me peace to hang out with other animals, to make the space for them and to understand what they are communicating and what they need from me. They are such funny creatures!
So when I started studying sociology one niche thing I became quite interested in is the study of how relationship with animals. Also I think another type of sociology that really inspired me is the sociology of the everyday. And this is how my current project came about: how do we relate to animals on a day to day basis? I used to go to the park to feed the animals quite regularly, but I must admit I haven’t done so in quite a while because I welcomed a whole person into my life (and my flat): my dog. She is not fond of other dogs, particularly those who try to play with her things. She doesn’t seem to really understand how to communicate with them without being driven by fear. She does love me a lot, tho! She loves to nibble on my toes and my favourite things and she often gets jealous of other people interacting with me. She knows I suffer quite a deal but doesn’t know how to help. She wakes me up with a paw to the face because it’s been 3 minutes since the alarm went off and I haven’t fed her yet. She lies on her back when she knows she’s been chewing on something she wasn’t supposed to be chewing on. I adore her. But mind you, it has been difficult! She drives me up the wall when she doesn’t let me interact with other animals… or people for that matter! Or when she steals the balls and then eats them. But she is a patient little one. She throws a fit when I tell her “dinner later”, because she understands what that means. She tilts her head when I pet her ear, almost as if she was saying “I really love this and I love you”.

She is not my first adult pet. Before I had 6 rats, all named after foods, and a hamster. Oh, my Lemon. She was the best hamster I could have ever had; I learnt so much from her inquisitive nature, from her never giving up on discovering what’s beyond her world. And my six cheeky boys! I had breakfast with them, I let them run all over me until my skin was sore and red and I would smother those little shits to death.

But it would be a lie to say that my relationship with animals have always been so straight ahead. It is not a secret that I have been struggling with my mental health for a good couple of years now. It all seemed to come out of nowhere, but I knew it had always been brewing in the back of my head. It was time I faced all the trauma and pain I had felt; I couldn’t run no more.
Animals have helped a lot in my path towards self-kindness. But they have also been very difficult to deal with. The guilt of not having enough spoons to adequately care for my animals is a fear that never goes away. I often dream that I have forgotten about my animals for week and now they are starving and popping babies like crazy. I feel very guilty that my mental health doesn’t let me care for my animals to the level I wish I could. But I keep trying. I keep getting out of bed to feed my dog, I keep feeding the pigeons, swans and squirrels whenever I can. And I keep learning from my relationship to them.