.sosunfreak.

At least I wanted to call home, but sometimes even that it's impossible. It feels like this is not my place, feels away from home, but I don't even recognize a home. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. Maybe all the feeling of 'home' that He gave me before, now it's all concentrated on him, so when he's far I feel so terribly wrong, like my North is miles away, where he is. These moments I understand that he's the only one thing I want in this life, the only one I can not let go. It doesn't matter wich are my dreams, my hopes, because if he's not there with me to make them true, they get destroyed, like a flower without sun. I don't know if I see this like a good or a bad thing; 'cause I've think that the dodgy side is that it means he has got the control, I mean, I don't even have the control on my happiness, all the freedom I wanted is now restricted by him and his happiness, now I'm a total pet. But I like the fact that He was true, he appeared and made me as happy as I desired, he turned all the bad experiences into good things, into happiness. It's a way to keep my hope, keep believing. But I can't tolerate feeling so sad if he's not here, because maybe in old times I could have done this without feeling like this, because I'd still felt that he was with me, so I would have been brave enough to do all the things I needed to pursue my dreams. Now I don't even have clear which are my dreams, if they are the same that they used to be, or if I'm following a dream that's already by my side. It's a discouraging feeling not having a dream anymore, not to know what I wanna do with my life, excepting being by his side. It's all done. So, what's the matter now? What I am suppose to do? Which are my dreams now?